How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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