Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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