Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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