Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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