"it" just moved
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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