the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
