Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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