Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
