Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
