i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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