if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
