Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
