oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
