A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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