If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
