can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
