his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
