Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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