Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
