True but thats because hes a fetus.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
