i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i barfeds in our rink
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
