You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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