Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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