I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
