She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
