Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
