It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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