I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
