This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
