My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
