yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
