Someone shit on the floor
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to rekindle our bromance
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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