Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
