i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
