There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
