Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
