I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
