I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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