She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
