So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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