Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
