Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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