We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I will die if light touches me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
