David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She bit a glass in half.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
