You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
