Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
