she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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