The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
