Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
