Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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