they need to just BURY HIM!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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