I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
