Please, let me fuck your mom
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
